The woman at Macy’s asked, “Would you be interested in full-time elf or evening and weekend elf?”
I said, “Full-time elf.”
I have an appointment next Wednesday at noon.
I am a thirty-three-year-old man applying for a job as an elf.
~From Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris

It’s 9 days until Christmas. My tree is up and decorated, the majority of my shopping is done, and I’ve managed to avoid the mall entirely! While I enjoy the holiday season – wrapping presents, opening presents, watching It’s a Wonderful Life, spending time with family – one of my all time favorite Christmas stories is a dark little tale called “SantaLand Diaries”, in the Holidays on Ice collection.

Authored by the wickedly funny David Sedaris, “SantaLand Diaries” tells the story of the season he worked as an elf in Macy’s department store. Having been turned down for a UPS job, Sedaris figures he was hired as an elf mostly because he is short. He experiences first hand the children who cry when placed on Santa’s lap; parents who spend all their time posing their kids for photos and never let the child talk to Santa; the corner where over excited kids tend to get sick; elves who flirt with other elves; and the Macy’s Santa who claims to live at the North Pole – for real! The stories he tells are just plain strange, a bit risque, and terribly sarcastic, but I think this is a pretty realistic description of what goes on behind the scenes at the huge department store capitalizing on Christmas. There are 11 other short stories in this collection you may enjoy, but I think “SantaLand Diaries” is the best.

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